The Eighty Sixth Story

Once upon a time there was a leaf. He was always more tentative than his cousins and come fall, he opted to stay put. It was a hard, cold winter, but not once did the leaf regret his decision.

The Eighty Fifth Story

 once upon a time there was a giraffe who wanted to be a pilot. He didn't fit in the cesna that the local airport used for training, but they had an old, open cockpit biplane they still used for show, and he could just contort himself into that. It was uncomfortable, but he learned, and now he travels with a historic airshow.

The Eighty Fourth Story

Once upon a time there was a fox with a striped tail. He wanted to go to the fashion institute, but it is hard to get scholarships as a vulpini. So he got a job as a tailor and saved up and kept drawing his designs, and sometimes he would use scraps to make accessories to sell on etsy.

The Eighty Third Story

On seeing a billboard reading "When you die, you will meet God"

There will be a cocktail party. You'll be introduced to god, but angels mumble, and you will not quite place any of the names of god you are given. You will try to make small talk, anyway, because you were brought up that way. You ask after god's profession and hobbies. God will say "oh, you know, a bit of everything". You were not really well off before you died, and you remember how stressful working odd jobs can be. You will say something like "oh, well, if you ever need a place to stay between jobs, I've got a really comfortable couch with your name on it". God will smile sincere thanks and then wander off towards the mini-quiches. You will never speak with god again, but you will forever fondly remember how you were not called out on it when you had your foot in your mouth at that party.

the eighty second story

The original post- This is a drawing of me, towing a mostly sunken kayak with my mom's tiny dog perched on top, with two paddles under my opposite arm. My tent, sleeping pad, food, phone and camera are all in the underwater portion of the boat.

The requested "news at 11" full version-
My mom and I decided to, with no planning whatsoever, do an overnight kayak trip. We looked at a google satellite image of our prospective route, noticed that "well, most of it's doable, I think" and figured we go for it. We packed up our stuff (including a borrowed camping hammock, sleeping bag, and stove for making tea). We went to the grocery and purchased hard cheese, salami, and granola. I had already left my car at the  end point, just in case, and so we drove to the putting in point. The satellite images we thought were ok were on the potomac, and the putting in point was about 500 yards up the Shenandoah from our desired river. This was a mistake. The Shenandoah is rocky. We put in anyway. In the first set of rapids (not bad rapids, maybe class 1) the dog jumped off mom's boat, but I was able to veer aside and scoop her up with the little handle on the back of her tiny dog lifevest. her tiny dog lifevest is super cute.

We had gone about 50 yards.

I handed the dog back, but I'd taken on a little water. We hit the second set of rapids (class 2 or so- challenging, but not scary) I took on more water. we hit a flat area, my mom asked how I was doing, and I joked that I was sinking. Then there were some more little rapids, but, already being low in the water- I took on yet more- and my boat sank. It actually sank. This, by the way, is what a panicking Kest sounds like- normal voice "ah, Mom? Mom, I don't know what to do here. What do I do here, Mom?" My mom, being the awesome person she is, looked over, saw my torso sticking out of the water, and me flapping at the water with my hands, and calmly told me to get out of the boat and tow it to a rock. I did so, and got my feet against said rock, but the current was still fast and I couldn't really pull the boat up, so in a continuation of what a panicked Kest sounds like (still in a normal voice) "ah- if it is possible to do so, could you maybe hurry?". We got the boat up. We dumped it out. We took the electronics out of the drybag that had not kept them dry. I took the batteries out and set all the parts in the sun. We sat there for a few minutes. Mom asked what the plan was. I responded that the plan was that next time I said I thought I was sinking, we were to pull over immediately. Mom decided put the dog's leash on and loop it around her leg, so the little one wouldn't jump out again, as we could no longer count on having me, in the back, be able to scoop her. We repacked, got back in our boats, and continued.

We had gone about 200 yards.

Ahead of us were yet more pretty good rapids, but we were doing better. I was about 4/5 through when I saw mom's boat overturn. I backpaddled long enough to first look for the dog, and then her- both heads were above water, and they were together, but then I was at some real high waves, and there wasn't going to be anything i could do if I went down, so I concentrated on getting through. That done, I turned to my mom, called that I was coming for the dog so she could get her boat, and then I promptly sank again. Mom managed to put the dog and her paddle on a rock, no bigger than three square feet above water, and then she went for her boat. I swam towards the rock, towing my once again sunken boat. I managed to stretch way out and grab a stump on the rock as I was swept past, but I could not pull the boat back up river to get myself onto the rock. Stretched full length, with the boat in one hand and the rock in the other, the dog made the poor decision that I was a better bet, and climbed onto my head.

I need more illustrations. This moment should be illustrated.

Mom had, by now, gotten her boat, and put it on a rock about 20 yards downstream. She shouted that she was coming back to help, and I waited a little, but she clearly was not gonna make it against that current. Finally I just grabbed the dog and let go the rock. But now I've got two paddles under one arm, the dog's leash looped over the other arm, and the hand of said other arm towing the sunken kayak. I can only swim with my feet, i'm wearing not very tight sandals, and the dog REALLY wants to go to shore. The fact of the matter is that the dog's chosen direction, despite her being only ten pounds, is pulling me way off course. So I tried to put her on the small portion of the boat which was above water. Now, it turns out that, if you have no training in such activites, lifting a ten pound struggling weight over your head without losing the two paddles tucked under your arm while treading water in sandals and being swept swept downstream at a fast clip is REALLY hard. By the time I pulled it off I was half drowned and most of the way to mom. I shouted at her that the dog and the boat were her responsibility (she was less than eight feet from them, and I got myself and my paddles to the rock. She caught them, and brought them to the next rock over. We, all three, passed out in the sun.

We had gone no more than 400 yards from the launch.



At this point, The dog is terrified of rapids. I'm nervous of them, what with the sinking. Mom's still good, or at least faking it really well. We discuss whether we will continue or not. Mom says we have no other option so we'd better. I point out that we've gone less than a mile and can walk back to her car. I also point out that we are very nearly to the Potomac, and I think that maybe it will get better after that. We decide to continue on.

The Eighty First Story

Sitting in this spot, the reality of where we were really started to sink in (for me, my mother is a little quicker on the uptake, I think). We arrived in town by mid afternoon, and the very first thing Mamadu did was to order us food (We had already learned to order food at least three hours before getting hungry). He asked us if we wanted meat or no meat. Mum and I looked at each other, shrugged a little and asked for meat. He shouted something to a little boy, and we wandered around the rest of the day, only later realizing that the child had gone to catch the town's one goat.

Now- I'm quite certain we paid more than enough to replace that goat. It's not that I feel bad about it, per se. It's just- what if some other travelers came through the next night, and the townfolk had not yet gotten a new goat and had to explain this? Or maybe that's what happened- maybe this place usually had a goat on hand, it had recently been consumed, and when we surprised them by ALSO asking for meat, they had to scramble, and as luck would have it, someone else had a goat. But what if that emergency goat already had plans? What if it was meant for a particular feast, and now there was no goat? What if someone had to get married with no meat dinner? What if someone had already started to prepare it for a sacrifice and had to start all over?

In short- I spent the night thinking about how, in a place with very few travelers, one set could really fuck things up if they wanted to. We didn't order meat again till Timbuktoo.

The Eightieth Story

One of my old neighbors interviewed for a cleared job with the government, and warned me that the FBI might want to talk to someone in the neighborhood and asked if i was ok with this (I gather it was a high clearance). Weeks passed. I forgot. I got a knock on the door, and went up to answer it, dustmask and hearing protection in place, hammer in my right hand, glove on my left. I opened the door, and stood there dumbfounded, thinking "Not the UPS man, Shoes to shiny to be selling bibles" while he stood on his side, presumably thinking "THIS is the person he's got vouching for him?".

Once we got past this, I invited him in and offered him tea. He asked me questions about my neighbor. I admitted a large amount of ignorance, but said i liked the fellow well enough. He asked me, several times, in several different ways, if I would recommend him for the job. I responded, several times, in several different ways, that without knowing the job, I couldn't well know the answer. "I'd trust him to feed my dog, but I wouldn't trust that he knows the proper way to feed, say, an elephant. It's not a referendum on his character. I think he's great. But I have NO IDEA whether he'd be good for the vague task you are describing"