I'm leaving the old intro here, but adding this- it appears the doves have taken over my blog for their fiction. Just as well, I was doing a piss poor job of updating. They're doing much better.

This blog is infrequently updated, full of incorrect spellings, misused words, and general bad grammar. It started when I was trying to use google+ (which I've since given up on) and discovered there was no character limit for posts. If you've known me a long time, a lot of these stories will be old hat. If you plan to know me for a long time, you'll no doubt hear many of them in person. But, folks seemed to enjoy them, so here they are.

Sunday, December 13, 2015

the two hundred and fifty seventh story

Once upon a time there was a globe and an atlas who argued, good-naturedly, most evenings, about who contained more information.

Saturday, December 12, 2015

the two hundred and fifty sixth story

Once upon a time there was a cat who tried, every night, to catch a certain star. She climbed, every night, to the very top of the very tallest tree she could find. Every night, she spend at least... oh... five minutes batting at the star. The star never fell, and the star kept rising every night.

Friday, December 11, 2015

The two hundred and fifty fifth story

Once upon a time there was a giraffe who made herself a long, long tail out of tree branches and leaves and feathers, and called herself a brachiosaurus

Thursday, December 10, 2015

The two hundred and fifty fourth story

Once upon a time there was a joke who did not understand why everyone was always laughing at her.

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

The two hundred and fifty third story

Once upon a time there was a pair of trousers who very much admired a certain pair of frilly pantaloons.

Tuesday, December 8, 2015

The two hundred and fifty second story

Once upon a time there was a rainstorm who learned about erosion and spent all her time after that worrying about the land underneath her.

Monday, December 7, 2015

The two hundred and fifty first story

Once upon a time there was a squirrel who, having neglected to store nuts for the winter, decided to survive exclusively on dropped french fries.

Sunday, December 6, 2015

The two hundred and fiftieth story!

Once upon a time there was a tree show tried draping herself in lights to hide her lack of leaves.

Saturday, December 5, 2015

The two hundred and forty ninth story

Once upon a time there was a fir tree who spread out her needles JUST SO to catch snow in the most beautiful way.

Friday, December 4, 2015

The two hundred and forty eighth story

Once upon a time there was a beagle who liked to think of himself as a very small, very short nosed elephant

Thursday, December 3, 2015

The two hundred and forty seventh story

Once upon a time there was a young stag who, in seeing all his friends lose their antlers for the year, decided to not lean over, to avoid running recklessly through the woods, in the hopes he could keep his.

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

The Two hundred and forty sixth story




 Once upon a time there was a christmas light who thought the stars were also christmas lights and did not understand why they wouldn't talk to him.






Tuesday, December 1, 2015

The two hundred and forty fifth story

Once upon a time there was an antelope who was truly delighted to discover that he could scratch his own back with his curved horns.

Monday, November 30, 2015

The two hundred and forty fourth story

Once upon a time there was a tree lined street where all the leaves traded gossip on what trees looked the best in lights.

Sunday, November 29, 2015

The two hundred and fourty third story

Once upon a time there were two very tired authors.

Thanks to everyone who came out for open studios! The Doves did fantastically with their first public appearance, but it exhausted them too much for them to stay up and write stories after.

Wednesday, November 25, 2015

The two hundred anf forty second story

Once upon a time there was a bat who, full of the joy of flying, flew closer and closer to the moon; unlike poor icarus he was fine and spent the night bathed in cool light.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Monday, November 23, 2015

Sunday, November 22, 2015

The two hundred an thirty ninth story

Once upon a time there was a toll plaza that really liked saying Hi to all the cars and got really lonely when EZpass became the norm.

Saturday, November 21, 2015

The two hundred and thirty eighth story

Once upon a time there was a cup of hot cocoa who told everyone that he was spiked with whiskey, but really he just had extra sugar.

Friday, November 20, 2015

the two hundred and thirty seventh story

Once upon a time there was a street who was pretty content to just go from the park to the pub and back.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

The two hundred and thirty sixth story

Once upon a time there was a paintbrush who was really more interested in poetry than the visual arts.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

The Two Hundred and thirty fifth story

Once upon a time there was a pony who thought, with the right accessories, she might pass as an elk.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Monday, November 16, 2015

The Two Hundred and Thirty Third Story



Once upon a time there was a seagull whose internal compass was broken. Since he couldn't navigate on his own, he decided to take the time to just make one really nice home.

Sunday, November 15, 2015

The Two Hundred and thirty second story

Once upon a time there was a koala who got his ear pierced because he thought it would make him look tough, and he was tired of being cute.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

The Two Hundred and Thirty First Story

Once upon a time there was a flock of starlings who learned sign language and used their murmurations to spell out stories, but no one was watching.

Friday, November 13, 2015

The Two Hundred and Thirtieth Story


Once upon a time there was a cassowary who watched Jurassic Park, and tried to get his friends to run in a pack like raptors. Might've worked if his friends were also cassowaries.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

The Two Hundred and Twenty Ninth Story

Once upon a time there was an emu who read Hegel and resented the stereotype that all big birds are dumb.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

The Two Hundred and Twenty Eighth Story

This is my bicycle. His name is Chupwallah, Chup for short. He's been with me for over ten years. I bought him at a police auction the day after I graduated from college; also the day after my shitty old peugeot was stolen. I've had him for longer than I've lived in any state, longer than the total time I've owned all cumulative cars, longer than I've ever stayed with a human partner. When I first got him, I joked that I rode my bike in the city not because I wasn't afraid to ride my bike; but that I was afraid, and I was also afraid to drive (hell, I was afraid to approach my car. There might be someone hiding in/under/behind it) and I was afraid to walk (someone might accost me) and so, being equally terrified by all options, I took the most convenient one, and that was the bike.
But Chupwallah and I managed to overcome the transcendental fear that had been the background noise of my entire conscious life. The self propelled endurance and constant forward motion made me feel like a badass. The fear faded slowly; so slowly that I didn't notice until years in, when that confidence had already started to spread to other aspects of my life: I started to make the same joke about fear and bikes and realized I was lieing. I wasn't afraid to ride in the city, and I wasn't afraid to drive, and I wasn't afraid to walk. I am still an anxious person. I'm still afraid of strangers and undefined social situations and sometimes I am still afraid of shadows. But Chupwallah taught me what it felt like to not be afraid, and once I learned that, my life fundamentally changed.

Monday, November 9, 2015

The Two Hundred and Twenty Seventh Story

Once upon a time there was a piece of pastry that just wanted to be taken seriously as a culinary masterpiece.

Sunday, November 8, 2015

The Two Hundred and Twenty sixth Story

Once upon a time there was a bottle of soda who kept making himself giggle by tickling his nose with his bubbles.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Friday, November 6, 2015

The Two Hundred and twenty fourth Story

Once upon a time there was a deer who truly believed, deep down, that his antlers were just tree branches that happened to stick to his head.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

The Two Hundred and Twenty Second Story

Once upon a time there was a dog who was secretly terrified whenever anyone mentioned that he and his friends were descended from wolves.

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

The Two Hundred and Twenty First Story

Once upon a time there was a gourd who thought that the bright shade of yellow he was turning as he ripened must be the most beautiful yellow in all the world.

Monday, November 2, 2015

Sunday, November 1, 2015

The Two Hundred and nineteenth story

Once upon a time there was a bee who, tired of being a nameless bug in a swarm, began reciting little snippets of sonnets to the flowers she landed on, & eventually the whole field of clover looked forward to her visits, & her visits alone.

Saturday, October 31, 2015

The Two Hundred and eighteenth story

Once upon a time there was a bee who, tired of being a nameless bug in a swarm, set out on her own, and eventually grew her own little garden.

Friday, October 30, 2015

The two hundred and Seventeenth Story

Once upon a time there was a pencil who knew that, essentially, all his actions were impermanent and erasable.

Thursday, October 29, 2015

the two hundred and sixteenth story

Once upon a time there was a hedgehog in love with a briarpatch. The briar was far sharper than the hedgehog, but they got to know each other and after a while stoped pricking each other so often, and then it didn't matter how sharp either of them was.

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

The Two Hundred and FIfteenth Story


Once upon a time there was a tall reed who enjoyed the caress of the wind, even when the wind wasn't really paying attention.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

the two hundred and fourteenth story

Once upon a time there was a fly who had a kayak. I mean- it was actually a leaf, but she called it a kayak, and it DID float.

Monday, October 26, 2015

the two hundred and thirteenth story

Once upon a time there was an anteater who made herself a pangolin suit using pinecone scales stuck together with sap. She had to move very carefully or it would fall apart, but it was worth it to her.

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Friday, October 23, 2015

The Two Hundred and Tenth Story

Once upon a time there was a field of flowers who whispered to each other constantly. It was really just meaningless gossip, but anyone walking by would have thought the sussurations to be lovely music.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

The two hundred and ninth story

Once upon a time there was a breeze who wanted nothing as much as she wanted a traveling companion. She picked up leaves, but they never lasted, she picked up feather and the would eventually fall, she picked up water droplets, but, in the end, it always rained.